I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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