Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize