Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
