Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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