Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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