hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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