I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
