i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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