It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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