Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
