So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
