I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
