I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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