also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize