You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
