I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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