so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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