i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
