I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
