so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
