im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
