Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
