did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
