My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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