She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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