I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
