remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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