Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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