New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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