I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
