**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
