Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
