i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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