u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
