STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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