Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
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thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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