Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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