allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
