i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
