It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
