The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
