I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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