Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
