When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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