she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
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i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
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She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
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I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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