I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
