If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
