come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
