I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
