She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
