Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
