Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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