I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
