worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
