I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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