HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
