I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
