I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
