Soap is not a condiment
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You ruined the universe
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
