Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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