Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
