It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
