We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
