On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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