And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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