I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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