I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
sarcasm needs its own font
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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