Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
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