Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
