I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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