I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
