update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
