So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
