Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
