I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
