That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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