I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
