tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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