Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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