So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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