absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize