Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
soo... how was my night?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
